Closer
by ElizaDee
Summary: Jacob is going to forget Bella Swan if it kills him, but she's hell bent on dying first. Set in BD. Rated for language and adult themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Closer**

_"It's Coming Closer"_

* * *

A/N: I own nothing. You know it. I know it. Let's not rub it in ok?

Premise: For the sake of setup, we're in Breaking Dawn. Except Jacob never went to the wedding, he was home long enough to grab his crap and go. Everything else went on as planned.

* * *

I hated bars. There was too much smoke, the music wasn't loud enough and it smelled like piss, booze, sex and despair. But it was home tonight.

"Hey cutie," some woman old enough to be my mother is stroking my arm. Her hands were wet with God knows what. I wanted to tell her off, but that required talking. I didn't want to talk.

But she took the hint soon enough when I blew a whole mouth full of smoke in her face. She coughed, spluttered and stumbled away calling me everything but a child of God.

Good. Let her hate me.

But guilt made me put the cigarette out anyway, not that I liked smoking. It was something to do. Something new. Part of the new Jacob Black that didn't get his world torn apart by twig thin angsty girls.

A world that shouldn't include pale ass vampires who reeked and dropped the room temperature 10 degrees.

But its as if my life can't be simple, one was now sitting beside me and I didn't have to guess which one it was.

"What could you possibly want?" I didn't have the strength to be angry or look his way.

"To talk." His voice sounded like nails on a chalk board, or the screech of a multi car collision.

"Next time just pick up a phone," I laughed in my drink. It burned going down, burned satisfyingly. I didn't like to drink either, it just seemed like what the new Jacob Black would do. The new Jacob who didn't have a treaty to protect.

"Before you bite my head off," his voice was calm, "Hear me out." I groaned and rolled off the bar stool swiftly.

"I don't have to, and I don't want to." I easily moved through the thin crowd. I ignored the leering eyes. I ignored the gasps. I ducked my head at the exit and sucked in a fresh breath.

I growled because the bloodsucker had followed me out.

"Bella is dying," I registered the pain in his voice before my own took the wind out of me. But I straightened, because the new Jacob Black was stronger than love.

"People die," I manage but it sounds false. My heart runs away on its own accord, screaming at me to turn around and ask what was wrong. But I squelched the desire to know. Bella be damned. Bella made her bed, now she had to lie in it. He probably broke her on their honeymoon, my lip curled.

"It's more complicated than that," and I remembered the leech could read minds. Right.

He looked like he was dying himself. His appearance wasn't nearly as put together as I was used to seeing. He looked haggard, haunted. And I felt satisfied, good. Hopefully he died with Bella.

"You don't mean that," he whispered.

"Sure I do," I answer good naturedly lighting another cigarette and mounting my bike.

"I know you still love her," I smile at him. A blonde is passing, switching her eyes between the two of us so fast it's comical. There isn't fear, only lust.

Stupid, stupid, stupid humans.

And stupid, stupid Bella.

I don't block my mind, I let him in. Let him see what he did to me, what his _wife_ did to me. I let him see my pain, I let him feel it. Every wall, I shattered with a battering ram, opening up all my lost hope, every nightmare. I let wave after crushing wave of agony roll through me like a thunderstorm and didn't stop until he had hit his knees.

And then I shut the door on my emotions. I had become an expert on door shutting.

I revved my engine and disappeared into the night with one last thought repeating in my mind like a broken record. _Love doesn't mean shit._

* * *

Jake's a little pissed off don't you think? It gets worse. You may hate our favorite werewolf by the time this story ends.

Also, this story came purely out of numerous listens to Closer by Kings of Leon. The song is freaking amazing. There's a lot of raw emotion in there and it definitely influenced how, broken, Jake is in this story. Just, listen to the song. If you love it, and even if you hate it, let me know. Tell me what you think, because I'm sure you'll find this song perfect for Jake too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Closer**

_"Do you think of me?"_

* * *

Bella's dying. Bella's dying. Bella's dying.

Shutupshutupshutupshutup.

The tv wouldn't drown out my thoughts. I wanted to phase but after the Cullen incident I was done with having people in my head.

I just shifted through my things looking for something, anything to take my mind of my anxiety. I find my sister's ipod and curl it around my fingers. She was going through a rock phase when she got it, but it didn't matter. Anything would do.

But I give up before the first song plays. Everything reminded me of Isabella Swan.

Stupid, dying Isabella Swan.

Bells.

Shutupshutupshutupshutup!

I imagined her in a hospital bed, hooked up to a dozen or so tubes, blood going in some, medication in others. But then her pale face became the face of my mother so I let the image go. My mom wasn't Bella. My mother deserved a reverent memory, and I wasn't going to share the last image I had of her with the idiot girl who traded my heart for immortality.

The new Jacob Black didn't have a heart to break.

Someone bangs on my door. The smell alerts me again to the persistent, pain in the ass bastard that stood on the other side.

"I don't have to knock," he growls. True, I smirk, imagining him kicking in the door and dramatically jumping into the room. Blood would be on his chin and his eyes would be black and crazed. I start to chuckle. Some random girl would walk pass wrapped in a towel, she'd scream and point.

"Very funny," he whispers. The doorknob makes a few strange clicking noises and he walks in calmly. He slams it closed.

"I thought your kind had to be invited in first," I laugh. It feels good so I let it go on until I can't breathe. Then the gasping turns into coughing and I glare at the cigarettes on the nightstand. That wasn't going to stay a part of the new Jacob Black. Jacob Black needed his lungs to work properly.

"Look mongrel," he growled as a start. He begins talking a mile a minute, something about an isle, eggs, and a pregnancy test. I don't let anything sink in too deeply. I amused myself with a quiet memory, one of Leah and I taking our broken hearts out to the beach. She burned everything she kept while she was with Sam, including a positive pregnancy test she wouldn't explain and the egg he hid the engagement ring in when he popped the question over breakfast. I burned every single picture I kept of Bella and I as kids.

"Are you even listening?" Edward's voice is incredulous. I shrug and lay back against the bed. Leah had a lot of anger, I remembered, and I probably should have brought her with me when I left again. That way all the damn money I was spending on hotel rooms could be split with another person. And it wouldn't be so lonely during the dark moments.

I shake my head at nothing. The new Jacob Black didn't get lonely.

"You're acting like a child," he spat standing right over me. I wanted to punch him in his freaking balls, and I was in the perfect position to do so.

He stepped back. Smart move.

"I am a child, in case you forgot," I leaned back again. "I'm 17 years old. I should be worried about graduating, not my next meal." I mentally count up how much cigarettes are costing me. What was left in the cartoon on the nightstand would have to last.

The new Jacob Black could change his mind whenever he wanted about whatever he wanted. He didn't foolishly put his all into one thing, and one person.

"Jacob she's asking for you," and it takes a real effort to shrug.

"Every day, crying in her sleep, pleading for someone to go find you and bring you back. She's miserable." I threatened him inside my head, warned him that if he didn't shut up I was going to open up that door again, and I wouldn't stop until one of us was comatose.

The leech nods and I think I see a hint of fear. I could laugh, I should. A part of me whispered that he was in a lot of pain himself. But I told that part of me to shut up. I reminded myself that was proof that love made you stupid. You start pitying your enemies. I had a lot of pain. That was enough, that was the focus. Killing the pain.

"It would help if you saw her," and because he doesn't ever freaking listen I open the floodgate and let it burn. There has to be a billion images there at once. Her smile, her frown, her anger, her sadness, her pain, my pain, her future braided with my future and me envisioning the children she told me she saw when she kissed me. The cruelty of holding a wedding invitation in my hand and seeing everything disappear. Missing her, knowing she's missing me. Sitting in her room and watching her sleep, watching her nightmares, listening to her cry for him and then melt, warm, and whisper my name. How great it felt watching her stare at my lips, biting down on her own and inching forward before catching herself. Seeing her slam into the waters after her exuberant scream, her failed attempt at cliff diving. Dragging her out and holding her and realizing for the first time that she might be too broken to put back together.

"Please stop."

Bella blushing. Smiling. Riding motorcycles with the craziest grin on her face. Humming to songs in her head as I fixed the bikes. Unconsciously pulling her hair back from her eyes. Fixing my math homework. Eating like she only did it because she had to. Moving around the kitchen with grace, bouncing around as if she lived to serve. Bella holding my hand when we were kids and wolves and vampires didn't exist. Bella calling me sort of beautiful. Bella admitting she was in love with me.

"Please."

Bella in my nightmares, dead. Bella burning like they were supposed to in the legends. Bella suffering. Bella cold, and reeking, and red in the eyes. Bella attacking everybody she loved while the thirst consumed her.

I quit because I'm crying and crying pisses me off. The new Jacob Black never cries.

* * *

So, what do you think?


	3. Chapter 3

**Closer**

_"She took my heart, I think she took my soul"_

* * *

I dream of Bella.

I smell her in the room and I know either I've finally drunk myself into a coma or I've started hallucinating. I open my eyes and she's sitting on the edge of my bed.

She smiles a slow sweet, torturingly Bella smile.

"Hey," she whispers. She looks like she did ages ago, before Cullen left her sick and broken. Still too skinny, but there as at least a bit of roundness to her hips, a bit of color naturally in her cheeks.

Her hair frames her face, looking like silk.

"I'm losing it," I whisper back. She nods and she smiles wider.

"You lost it a long time ago kid," she giggles. One delicate hand touches my leg, trails up thigh and rests on my abdomen. She sighs and lies beside me. I can feel her warmth. I can smell everything I love about her.

"You're dying," I kiss her forehead and gather her close. She nods.

"Nothing survives long without the sun Jake," she nuzzles into me.

"Are you really here?" I squeeze my eyes shut, because I don't want to open them if she'll disappear.

"I'm here," she kisses my jaw, the new Jacob is losing. The new Jacob never felt Bella's loves so fully before. I swallow.

"Can I keep you now?" and my arms wrap impossibly around her. She's so small. For someone with so much fire and so much life, she was so tiny.

She nods into my chest.

"I'm nothing without you Bells," I breathe her in. Her hair feels like it looks. She pushes herself up to look down on me. Her eyes are shining with love. She moves forward, and I forget how to breathe.

Her lips rest gently on mine. "Then don't let me go," she whispers against me. And it's gone. She's gone. I wake up stifling my screams in my pillow and fisting the sheets. I hold onto what little bit of me is left, and start the familiar mantra.

She's gone. You lost. You tried, and it wasn't good enough. So suck it up, suck it up and let it go. Let her go. You lost. You lost. It wasn't good enough.

"Jacob," the leech's voice is broken. I don't look at him.

She's gone. You lost. You tried. You tried. You tried so hard.

"It's ok."

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Bella together again. You knew and you tried anyway, but it's over now. She chose. You lost. You lost. It's over.

"She needs you, don't do this to yourself."

Over. Over. Lost. It's over man let her go.

I start to relax, start to remember. New Jacob tells the old Jacob to go suck his thumb in a corner somewhere and old Jacob runs to do so.

New Jacob opens his eyes and blinks. It's still night. New Jacob feels likes it's the perfect time to move on, to keep going. I swing my legs off the bed and stare at the man I hated the most in the world. I stare him dead in the eye so he knows he doesn't scare me.

"Fix your own problems," I bite out and I mean every single word. He's surprised. I know he's searching my head for something, more than likely someone. Old Jacob cowers and I smirk. He leaves as I'm packing.

But there's a letter on the floor, and I know it's from her. I stare at it for a long time, not sure if it would heal or hurt. Probably it would hurt, so I rip it to shreds

Bella made her bed.

* * *

**Edward**

"Did you find him?" Bella's eyes are so full of hope it's painful.

"No," I lie and kiss her head.

She cradles her engorged stomach and rubs it gently, "It's ok little one," she starts to cry and I feel too much. It was times like this I missed sleep, missed how blissful it was to check out when the world became too much. I was so tired, and could do nothing but wait for the feeling to pass.

Bella was going to die unless we figured out what to do. Rosalie was impossible, Bella was being stubborn, and the rest of the house had unconsciously taken sides. We were evenly split. If I attacked Rosalie, which I'd been contemplating for days, the family would break apart right down the middle.

Bella was killing us all.

* * *

As Clear As Black every time you quote from my story you make me feel 10 feet tall. Thank you so much.

82c10 you're reviewing both my babies, I don't have words to express how much that means to me. They're very different stories, and the fact you like them both, oh my gosh, you're just amazing.

sun-shine99, thanks for the compliment. My head inflated a bit. ^_^

BaiLynn thanks for gushing. Lol, I love gushing.

Thank you so much for reviewing guys. This story is an underdog, but it's loved dearly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Closer**

"_I'll bleed you dry"_

* * *

August is blissful in the south.

I didn't think I'd like Texas but it was hot, and the people were friendly. Not that I was looking for friends, but there was a free meal wherever I went.

Did I mention the women are beautiful in Texas? Long, tan, free and quick to laugh.

Everything Isabella Swan wasn't.

I hadn't forced myself to taste the fruits handed to me everywhere I went. Beautiful women, who knew what they wanted, wanted me. They came in such a rainbow of colors and shapes, from the shyest to the bold, their bodies hummed when I walked past. An ego could get used to that after months of constant rejection.

I was proud to acknowledge beauty in others. A sure sign, I figured that I was finally moving forward. Fusing myself back together with whatever I found on the road.

Still, after I scorched them with my kisses I sent them home anyway. I said they were beautiful, not appealing.

Some pouted, others blushed. A couple raged and a handful actually cried.

Tonight, I was sure would be no different. But this girl is stronger than the rest. Her hair is short, black and spiky and her skin is darker than mine. She's sweet. She's soft, all toned curves and supple flesh. Her eyes are the color of the street at night.

When I push her away there is pride in her face. But she watches me and lays that pride right down at my feet. "I bet whoever hurt you is sorry," she whispers as she gathers her things. I'm shocked. I stop her. I give in.

She tastes like wine.

This girl is strong enough. I beg my soul. Imprint. Please imprint.

But I wake to guilt and an empty bed.

...Bella.

I rage and throw things. I punch the wall.

I try to will myself into finding another body to bury my sorrow in.

But it doesn't work. I give fate, destiny, everything working against me the bird and head back to Washington.

* * *

I'm home long enough to shower and nap.

Sam is mad, and I tell him to piss off. The only one I can be halfway glad to see is Leah. Because she knows how I feel. Leah doesn't judge anger and pain.

She just nods my way before speeding out the rez. Everyone else is too scared to say much. Good, let everyone leave me alone.

* * *

The Cullens know it's me when I ride up. Edward's eyes are full of relief but also reservation.

I'm not gonna do anything stupid I think. He nods.

"Just, prepare yourself," he whispers. I wonder how bad can it be and his face flashes pain. I snort at his suffering. As soon as I hit the door I realize something isn't right. It's the scent, and then my eyes find her eyes.

Bella is way pale. Her stomach is way big. And her grin is too wide when her eyes rest on me.

"Jake!" she tries to sit up but the blonde's hand keeps her down. She growls at me but shakes her head at Bella.

"You shouldn't move, love," she whispers thickly. Her hand is on Bella's belly and things start coming together.

Life wasn't done laughing at me.

The bastard took everything didn't he? When he decided to crush my dreams he did it so completely. So she was pregnant. Brilliant. He'd knocked her up with some kind of demon spawn.

I've been great at controlling my wolf, but I shiver for a second.

Bella's eyes are questioning, and then she touches her own stomach.

"Oh yeah. Um, surprise," she murmurs. "Who would've guessed," and she laughs and the laugh sounds like it hurts. Old Jacob wants to hold her. New Jacob can't stomach that idea.

I turn away from her swiftly and lock eyes with her idiot bloodsucking husband.

"And what is my purpose here?" I hiss out of her range of hearing.

"She just wants to see you," he growls back. Then his face changes, pleading, "Maybe if you could convince her to get rid of it…." I nodded. Oh I see.

It was killing her. He nods.

And she wanted it. He nods again, quickly.

She wasn't going to make it through the pregnancy. It was redundant, but he simply keeps on nodding, his usual mask continuing to slip.

She knows she's going to die. He bows his head and his fist clenches.

I start to laugh. That was suicidal Bella all the way. It was just her style. Give up everything for the vampire she couldn't be without. Including her own life.

"What didn't you take from her?" I bite out howling with laughter. Everyone's eyes are wide. I know it's cruel, but that's kind of the point.

Feel my wrath dammit.

I stride towards the door. She saw me, I did it. I did a good thing, probably my last good thing. It didn't even hurt, it was just the same old ache. Confirmation, that I was a moron for falling for such a girl. What was so appealing about her total lack of respect for her own worth or life?

"Wait Jake!" she struggles up and the blonde helps her. I turn, mostly because the old me needs to give her one last chance.

She's staring into me.

"I know this is a lot and I have no right to want to see you," her eyes fill with emotion. I can't make myself respond.

"I've missed you," she whispers while one hand continues to caress the monstrosity in her womb. I can't tear my eyes off her drawn appearance. Edward comes to her side, his eyes are still pleading.

I sigh, ignoring her declaration. "You're being an idiot. You're going to die if you keep that thing." My voice isn't anywhere near concerned.

"My _son_ and I are going to be just fine."

I roll my eyes and look around. Everybody knows she's lying. Their faces are afraid, except for blondie. I have a feeling blondie is only after the little monster.

"Yeah well, deluding yourself has always been one of your strengths." she smiles a faint smile "You die, you're going to leave that thing motherless." Bella, a mother. I suddenly pity whatever is inside her. It would always play second fiddle to her _husband_. Not that she'd survive long. I could already smell the reek of death on her skin.

I ignored the pull in my heart. I felt, for the first time in weeks, that I was exactly where I should be. And that disgusted me. Being drawn to her despite her shrunken, sick appearance was disgusting. Loving her after every damn thing she put me through was disgusting.

"Nothing is going to change your mind huh?" I can't mask my anger any longer.

Her voice is quiet. "No."

"Like I thought." Edward's eyes are closed so I can't glare properly at him. I turn on my heel and head for the door again.

"Jake don't go," but her words fall on deaf ears. She'd die for him? Well she could just go right ahead.

I'm spun around and his eyes are desperate and he whispers, "If I can't save her, you can kill me. I won't even fight back." I push him away from me.

"Where's the fun in that?" I keep going. "Besides, it looks like you being alive works better for me anyway." I turn around and take an exaggerated deep breath, "I feel better already." Bella's cries poke at old wounds.

I wouldn't return. Why the hell should I care when no one obviously gave a damn about me.

* * *

Alright, before you get mad just think about how much crap Jacob had to go through. I hated that he got screwed over and used from day one. So, I enjoyed writing that, I feel like he should've been able to tell Bella to kiss his behind by the end of Eclipse. So, yeah. Let him be pissed off.

On a happier note, oh my gosh, your reviews are killing me! You're totally messing with my head! You guys are pushing me towards a happy ending when I have evilness planned out. Well, either way it's coming to a close, I have like, two more chapters to do and then that's it. But then again, Jake's head is so much fun to be in.

But seriously, all the hope for happiness…..dag on it you may get your wish.

Review. ^_^


	5. Chapter 5

**Closer**

_"With the moon I run"_

* * *

I wake up, and everything hurts.

The sky is just starting to light up, dawn approaching.

I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

And then I remember.

Oh yeah, I did get hit by a truck.

And the bastard didn't even stop. I groan and manage to sit up. I'm halfway healed anyway, it was just a matter of resetting my bones.

I'm too far from the rez. Maybe a mile up from the idiot vampires but I'd bleed out before I went there for help.

There's too much blood, I don't even realize a Cullen is standing in front of me.

The doctor.

He even has a medical bag.

Why in all of hell couldn't I just live my life without vampires? Why were they there at every single stinking turn?

"I'm good," I growl trying not to let the pain show.

"Well, I took care of the worst parts," he smiles softly. I want to hate him too, but I did respect him. Didn't mean I had to talk to him, or let another Cullen try to voodoo mind rape me.

"Thanks," I grit out. He hands out a pair of pants. I take them, not really sure why. But they don't reek so I shrug them on, ignoring the pain.

I figure I should probably just leave, but I know he wants to talk. Convince me to save their little pet.

"Son, I know you hate us."

Here it goes.

"I wish I could help with your pain, somehow, but we all know-"

"Save it."

"No child," he stepped too close. He wasn't breathing and I was trying my damndest not to. "You don't scare me."

"You don't scare me either," I growl. I'd phase, but I'd probably break something again, screw up the healing process. Pissing off Cullens and then being too hurt to fight wasn't a smart combination.

His eyes studied mine.

"She talks about you when she sleeps."

My last Bella dream haunts me, the crushing pain of it isn't as easy to stifle.

"You know you can't let her die. That's not you. You're a protector."

"I was."

"You are. As much as you're trying to fight it, it's a trait your great grandfather shared."

"No matter, its never served me an ounce of good."

The doctor nods his head.

"Come back to the house. Edward has gone out hunting with Rose and Emmett. My wife is watching Bella. Just listen to hear, remember what it is you protect."

"No doc," I sighed, too tired to fight. Too much in pain on the outside to wrestle with what was killing me inside.

"You need to. You think you're in pain? You have not an inkling of what it means to roam the world alone for 100 years. If you think the pack mind is bad, imagine knowing everybody's darkness. Imagine hearing every shallow thought, every misdeed, and then finally imagine the comfort of finding one mind you couldn't get into. Imagine losing the love and peace you think you've finally found."

"We all spent time just searching for something that makes life make sense again. My wife is that for me. Alice for Jasper, Rose for Emmett. Edward has been alone so long, Bella is his purpose."

"We all care about her. I will never make light of your suffering, you suffer greatly for one so young. Just know you're not alone."

Vampire or not, I felt like I'd just gotten my ass handed to me. The doctor definitely had the fatherly gift of making you feel like shit.

"Well damn," he smiled and silently attended to the rest of my wounds. Staring at him, I realized that he was as good as a person got. Not vampire. Person. Carlisle Cullen was a good person.

"I'm still not going back," I whisper to him because he makes me feel like a little kid, "She's going to kill me. If it hurts anymore I'm literally going to die. And your son will too."

"I've never met a human that inspires such loyalty, or love," he whispered back. "That's why we have to save her. Save her to save yourself, my family…Edward. He's a good man."

"I never said he wasn't," it hurt to say it. I hated he was a vampire. I hated Bella loved him. I hated he was such an arrogant, emo bastard. But I couldn't say he didn't love the hell outta Bella Swan.

Love her like I love her.

"If she dies…."

"I won't let her die," I clench my fist because I'd have to save her. No one else could, I realize. I didn't know why I continued trying to save her when she couldn't save herself. Bella liked to suffer. She was a classic martyr.

"That's brave of you son." He pats me as he continues to stitch up my leg.

"You know, you could always force her to get rid of it."

"Rose is protecting her. So is my wife. We're not able to have children so the baby is special for them too. They love Bella, they're hoping we can turn her before it's too late. But she's not going to make it. And neither will the child. They only has hours at this rate."

I wondered if they'd tried blood. It was half of them. It probably wanted what they wanted.

Doc steps away, his face tortured.

"She knows all this, the only thing Edward and I can think about is offering her a better alternative."

I didn't like what he was going.

"If you, let's say, offer to father children with her then maybe-"

"No. Hell no, doc. That's cruel beyond words." I pull away from him instantly but the damage is done. I will never be able to get rid of the image of Bella healthy, happy and pregnant with my child.

"I know," he leans forward again.

"Then why the hell did you bring it up!" I can't force enough space between us. Enough space to forget what he said. The desire was rising in me and I wanted to throw up.

"Anything is worth trying," he whispers.

"Then fight. Fight the blonde off and force her to get rid of it."

"I couldn't let my family fight against itself. Bella would never forgive us. No one is willing to risk it." My mind starts working overtime, and suddenly know what needs to be done. New Jacob struggles, rebels, but old Jacob won't back down. He's ready to be himself again.

"I can risk it."

And a sparkle of hope lights in the doctor's eyes.

* * *

Thank you guys for your support. You're really amazing. I didn't know how an angry Jake would be received, but you welcomed him with open arms. Well, it's about time he came back to his senses but at least he had a good run. 4 chapters full of hate and pain.

But I will never reduce him to a begging puppy, so his strength isn't going anywhere. This wasn't how the story was supposed to go, he was going to stay pissed but that's just not him. He's a lover, he doesn't ever give up. That's why I love him.

Now tell me, why do you love Jacob Black?


	6. Chapter 6

**Closer**

"_I'd do it again"_

* * *

I can smell the drugs losing their hold. She's twitching in the sterile hospital bed, the first sign of movement in two days. I watch her eyes open. She gasps and sits up. I watch her look around the dark hospital room. Her eyes are lost, confused. Fear grabs hold of her, twists her face, one skeleton of a hand drifts down to her stomach.

She begins to wail when she realizes it's flat.

I watch her cry, and I try not to cry with her. Because-

_Yeah yeah yeah. The new Jacob Black doesn't cry. What a load of shit._

It takes a moment, but she catches me. Her eyes are teary, wide. Hopeful.

"Jake?" I have to fight back the urge to hold her. My holding days were over. My fate was sealed. But it doesn't stop her from staring at me, desiring answers.

She staggers to her feet, and falls. I make myself stay still. I don't get to help any more. But she gets up on her own. She's confused. She touches her stomach again, as if she expects it to be another nightmare.

"What happened?" she groans sitting down. "What happened to him." And she's crying silent tears as she rubs her empty belly.

"Dead." I manage.

"Dead?"

"Yeah," and her eyes dull. I remember this Bella, this shell of a person that existed when her bloodsucker husband first left. I remember that hollow emptiness and try not to remind myself it's in my eyes too.

"Where's Edward?" her hands are crossed protectively around her midsection, holding herself together. Slowly she starts rocking, like a junkie dying for its fix.

"Gone."

"Gone?" she whimpers.

"Yeah," and that little flicker of light left disappears. I watch her tremble, barely noticeable at first, but then with growing violence.

"Jake," she whispers. Any minute she looks like she's going to start convulsing. Instead she blows chunks over the side of the bed. When there's nothing left to give she gasps for air. She starts choking. Her monitor blares.

I grab her, none to gently and order her to breathe. She does, one gulping breath at a time.

"Is everything ok?" the nurse asks. She's scared. Scared of me, but scared of Bella more. I look at her, at the pity she's oozing.

"Peachy," I bite out. Her eyes pass between us. She doesn't miss that Bella is clutching me as tight as I'm holding her. She doesn't miss that Bella's eyes are burning into my skin. I try to throw her a smile, but fail, and the nurse leaves, shutting the door back behind her.

"What did you do?" Bella whispers still taking in those gaspy breaths. A part of me chuckles, wants to tell her that I was only the motivator. I didn't get to cut the monster out of her. I only supplied the plan.

"Saved you," I grit out. "As usual, I. Fucking. Saved. You." I pull away, to cover the anger, to put on my usual mask of annoyance and assurance. She's not letting go, her fingers are fisted in the front of my shirt, nails digging into the flesh in my shoulders.

"You saved me?" she starts to laugh manically. Laughter that falls into that damn trembling and then all out hysterics. She's crying into my neck. She's burning me there with her tears.

I want to shove her off me.

But I can't.

So I take it. I take it because I should've never came. It wasn't part of the plan.

"Did I dream it all up?" she whispers. She touches her stomach again. "Was he never there? Did I lose it?"

"You lost it a long time ago kid," and I cringe after the words leave my mouth. That hysterical laugh comes out again. It makes my skin crawl.

I set her on the bed, make sure she's steady. Enough, I think to myself. The tearing in my center starts as an ache but it's now a full blown blaze. If I didn't put distance between us I was going to burn up.

Her hands are still clenched. I touch them, to uncurl them, but they shoot into me like lightning. The burning turns into pure heat, and I feel the fire burst in my eyes.

"Let me go," I order. I can't take it. I can't do it.

She holds on tighter.

"No, Bells,"

She smiles at her nickname. Smiles before falling into the blackness inside of her.

"Bells, baby, let me go."

Bodies don't melt, they blacken and the pieces catch in the breeze and fly away. I'm a fucking crisp. I'm flying.

"Let me go," she's starting to hear me. One hand flexes.

I should've known better. I could never purge myself of her. She was worse than a disease, worse than a flesh eating virus. She was under the skin, inside the flesh. She was sewn into my soul.

I couldn't get rid of her. I didn't have the will. She was the one that had to go. She had to break all the ties. It was always her choice, her decision. I couldn't, I could never.

"It was me, it was all my fault. Now let me go. Hate me Bells, hate me and let me go."

I see her mind working. Maybe she remembered me holding her hand as the doctor put her under. Maybe, somewhere in her subconscious, she heard me trying to fend off her stupid husband as Carlisle worked inside.

"I can't hate you, I love you," she whispers still working through her own memories. Love. The word stab ats me. I'm burning and bleeding. Burning and bleeding and she still hasn't let the fuck go.

"You don't," I cry out scrambling now for distance. Burning and bleeding. "They signed a new treaty. They can't come back. Ever." She's flinching at my words.

"But why."

"To save you, Bella let go!" I fall back and she falls on top of me. The proximity, the smell of her.

Burning and bleeding and going insane.

"He promised though. Edward promised he'd never leave again." Her voice is so tiny, I push against her shoulders but she doesn't even budge. I roll into a sitting position, it's worse with her kneeling in my lap.

"I made him leave." And the truth and solemnity of my words hit her. She gasps. She stands, and I'm forced to stand with her. She's on her tip toes holding onto my shirt, but her face is starting to contort. Rage shifts from the bottomless depths of her sorrow.

"Fuck you Jacob!" she snarls. I let her push me against wall, I let her step on my feet to get closer.

"Good," I spit out. "Let me go."

"Fuck you!" she pulls away, eyes lighting on the tray of food beside her. She throws it at me. Then a box of tissues, and the remote control. Nothing that can really do damage and I'm sorry for that.

"I hate you!" she screams as a flood of nurses rush back in.

"I fucking hate you Jacob Black! I never want to see your face again!" they're wrestling her on the bed. She's clawing at whatever she can reach, faces, arms, shoulders. She's howling like a wild thing. Her eyes are almost black with rage.

"My baby….Jacob," she sobs. "You ruined my life!" and I nod. I nod and close my eyes as everything pours out of me. The burning stops, the bleeding halts. I'll probably go insane anyway, but not quite at this moment.

But better than that, her words are a cool balm to my raging feelings.

She's letting go. Letting me go. She's let go, so now I can let go. Because I no longer had a piece of Bella Swan to love. It was enough, barely, but it was enough.

"I hate you!" and the last chance, the last string of hope I had been holding onto vanishes. The drugs silence her. She looks peaceful unconscious.

She hated me. Joy finds a way of resting in my ashes.

I was free.

**End**

* * *

I tried very hard to finish this story off on the right foot, and I think this works. I agonized over this final chapter for days, and after at least 5 rewrites, I'm letting this story end how I originally planned. I've been in a good mood for the last few days, and it's ridiculously hard to write from a broken, angry perspective when life is being nice for once.

Oh yeah, happy birthday to me! ^_^

Thanks for taking this short journey with me. I love you guys.


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